10:25 Train to Brussels

Here I am on the 10:25AM train from Paris to Brussels and I cannot help but reflect on the fact that I am sitting here next to my best friend, jacked up on caffeine and croissants ready to embark on yet another journey. (I’ll probably nap right after I write this.)

So the thing is when I booked this trip I was so depressed like I could not even tell you. I was the most unlike myself and it was just a really lonely time of my life. I was trying to make it through my 9-5 everyday without anxiety about how much I hated my life and felt so unfulfilled helping a corporation make money. So yeah, I quit, booked a trip to Europe and started bartending full time because at least that would give me the time to think and money to make it through.

Was I insecure about my decision? Absolutely. I think my parents were too. Especially when I just spent over 100k on an education and have bills with my name on them every single month. But I have really good instincts and when I say I knew I would figure it out and the quitting was the easy part – I mean it. The three months that followed got progressively better. At first I was just relieved to wake up and not work my same hours, then I was a little nervous because it’s like how am I gonna make this work at all. I had no idea what in the world I wanted out of life anymore. The only thing I knew is that I’m kind of like a stoner without the pot (except on occasion, like when I’m in Amsterdam in two days – I’ll update you on that there.)

So what I mean by that is that I love english, philosophy, sociology, psychology and communication subjects and theories. I can sit there and talk about these abstract forms of thought and everything for H O U R S. That’s the stuff I love. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m a writer, which naturally makes me a thinker. And I love applying what I know to people because to me, people are the most interesting. I love asking a million questions about someone and learning who they are and what they love and what they believe and I genuinely care because that’s just what I’m into. To me, the greatest mystery in life is people and where they come from and how they operate.

Anyway, I decided I want to be a therapist. But not just any therapist, I want to begin my career as a social worker in order to understand people and the places they come from and the social constructs and everything. I don’t want to sit there with a manual of how to diagnose people as this or that, I want to understand people.

After a grand total of two applications to social work programs in New York, I decided to embark on my journey at LIU Post in their MSW program.

It’s funny because I think at first glance people wouldn’t expect this about me but that’s probably the most authentic version of me there is. The lonely writer and future social worker. I love it all.

So now here I am. Six months ago I was crying in my room because life sucked and I was working to get to happy hour and now I’m here. I’m sitting on a train to Brussels with my best friend preparing to eat all the chocolate and waffles in the world and chug the most crisp beers on the planet. And if you asked me if I know who I am yet the answer is still no, but the person I was six months ago worked really hard to get this far and I do not intend on stopping.

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