#7: Fate fell short this time; I’ll leave when I wanna.

I believe in fate, I believe in happenstance. But I also believe in the choices we make when fate and happenstance are in front of us, looking us in the eye.

I believe fate lands you in the college of your dreams when you didn’t exactly have the grades to get in, but it becomes your choice whether or not to attend. (Thank you, University of Delaware)

I believe that fate can throw a job application on your lap, but I believe you have the choice of whether or not to apply and make the moves on getting it.

I believe that fate brings us new friends when we’re in a crowded room without a single familiar face, but we make the choice of whether to pursue them or if we want to sit in the corner and wait for the party to be over.

And more than anything I believe that love shows up with fate. Whether it’s someone new or someone from your past, I believe that when the potential for love shows up, it’s your choice whether or not to pursue it and make it work, or ignore what’s there and move on all in all.

I believe that when someone is fated to be in your life they will show up on a random Saturday night in November of 2011 when all your college applications are done and sweep you off your feet at first glance. As fate completes its work, it now becomes your choice to pursue that person and make that relationship work or let it slip through the cracks because the timing was unusual.

I believe that fate brings you both together again but gets you to believe and work at it over the next four years, but it will also break you the final time too and you have to make choices on where to go next.

I believe that fate will put that person right in front of you exactly 5 years later from the first encounter on a Saturday night in November, in a crowded bar when you least expect it, but it’s your choice to believe them when they kiss you and say everything you’ve been wanting to hear for months, including those six magic words: I want to make this work.

Sometimes I think fate gives us these situations not so we can go back, but to see if we’ll move forward – to see if we’re ready to move forward. Fate wants to see if we’ll make the same choice, or learn from the cycle that has passed in order to allow for something new, and something better to finally come our way.

And sometimes we forget what the right choice is because we forget the pain, we forget the anxiety and the angst that came with letting them go to begin with. We only remember the good times in another country, the late nights in their arms, the security in a potential future, and the little moments that remind us it was real. So with that we cave in.

We let them kiss us goodnight, we let them get in our cab home, we let them tell us it will be better this time, we let them say we’re the one they want to be with forever. And we almost say okay when they tell us to wait for them because as much as they want it, the timing just isn’t right.

And that’s when the real test is. Will you put another quarter in the merry-go-round? Or will you hop off and get ready for a love that has always been as ready as you?

I’m not one to talk badly about anyone in my life, who has once been a part of my fate, because that really isn’t fair to me or them. It’s not fair to what was once very, very real. But I am one to say that sometimes things change, and we as people grow into a new chapter without even realizing it. I think sometimes fate comes to test us and see if we’re truly ready to turn the page or if we need to go back and learn our lesson one more time, the hard way.

Sometimes when fate brings someone back, we know the motions all too well and unfortunately as good as it might seem – we are almost instantly reminded of the cycle that comes with becoming vulnerable to this person all over again. We’re reminded of the pain as well as the pleasure and we look forward to this feeling of being down, just because we know the high comes next. But when you’re back at that high, the only place you ever go again is down.

So I think fate did me a favor this time. Because as quick as fate threw that beautifully dangerous face in front of mine again, fate also threw that word back at me again: timing. And this time I knew, this time I realized timing is just an excuse, timing is not everything. Time was the word that kept me from moving forward every single time, and the biggest takeaway was that in waiting for that timing I missed out on a lot of time that I’ll never get back.

I’m not getting younger. But luckily, I am getting wiser.

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