#4: This should have been my first post.

I used to never understand cliche phrases like you’re only as good as the one you’re with.

But as time passes, I realize, we are nothing more than the things we love – and that idea makes a lot more sense to me.

For me, I love black coffee and writing. Writing is what I love; black coffee gives me the fuel. Sometimes I think maybe the biggest reason I’m scared to make a career out of writing is because I’ll attach money or another value to it that won’t make it my passion anymore. But if you ask me what defines me – I’ll tell you its the words I put on a page at 2 in the afternoon after a black coffee, thinking about the meaning behind my existence.

I write about my life, I write about lives. I really don’t think there’s anything I love more than getting into the mind of someone else using my own words. I love when my words resonate with someone else and suddenly there’s this bond between us that wouldn’t exist otherwise. So when I write, I don’t just write to get words onto a page or likes on a post, I write because it makes me human, it reminds me that I am me, you are you and together we are all one in the same. Regardless of age, gender, race or class – we are human.

My human experience is different than yours, and no two stories are alike, but the more I write and the more I talk about my human experience, the less I feel alone. So maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m a little bit of a loner regardless of the amount of friends and family I have that surround me,  but maybe that’s okay.

Sometimes when I write I fall into my own trap, it’s happening right now as I write this. I put myself into this world where everything makes sense as long as it’s on paper or on a screen and I think I have some more of life’s answers, but really I have none. I don’t really think life has answers, everything is so abstract and half the time no one knows what the hell they’re doing anyway. The only life we have is the one we think exists and then we fight to make it just that.

I write the most about what isn’t making sense to me or what is. That’s why you’ll hear me talk about relationships so much, because it’s seriously something that stumps me every time. When you think about it, we love people and they love us and we’re told that that’s it. That’s all you need. But when you get love, sometimes love just isn’t enough. You need trust, acceptance, compatibility and timing. But things get in the way, life fucks shit up and sometimes you just have love. And it’s like what’s coffee without a pot to brew it in? Potential, that’s for sure, but you still need the pot.

I write about my friends and family because I really love them the most. I mentioned feeling a little bit like a loner sometimes, and that’s likely why I always need to be surrounded by people. People are my safety net, people are what I know. So I write about them because they’re who I love and a little bit of everyone I know lies within me. Whether you’re in my life now or you were before, I know that you are still a part of who I am, you are still a piece of me.

I write about choices I’ve made because every choice to me is a huge deal. I don’t mean where I’m going to eat, but big decisions to me are huge. They’ll keep me up and I’ll always wonder if there’s more than what’s in front of me, if there’s something different I can do or what’s better for me. I strive for the best in everything, it’s my greatest quality and my worst – but that’s for another day.

Really and ultimately I write because I can, and I love it. And as I’ve got older I realize the value of the things we love.

In this human experience the only thing we can wish to figure out is what we love, what gets our blood pumping and our hearts aching for more. It’s what makes us, us. What makes you and I one in the same, yet totally different. So for me it’s writing and my black coffee, for you it might be saving lives. Whatever it is, find it, cherish it, love it and accept it as your own.

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