#34: The Intimacy of Pain

When did we stop admitting to the intimacy of pain? Often times I find myself in conversations with others about all the good that is going on in their lives. The positive, the hopeful, the wonderful success of their present in spite of their grief, their pain, their anger and their struggles - whatever those... Continue Reading →

#33: Depression Doesn’t Care

That's the thing about depression, it doesn't care about you. Once it finds you and makes a home in you - it changes you. To put it bluntly, your life suddenly seems like the one thing between you and a peace of mind. Everything feels like its wrong, everything feels like it hurts, and everything... Continue Reading →

#32: The Rest of The Iceburg

The metaphor of the ice burg is simple. Not everything is what it appears to be, there is more than what meets the eye. In life, in love, in friendships, in families - and in ourselves. There is so much more than what meets the eye. Unfortunately, many of peoples biases, judgements, and so forth... Continue Reading →

#31: Ambivalence

The other day I was on the phone when one of my best friends asked me if I ever thought I would be happy in one place. In this case, it was an interesting question and it came from a conversation about changes I'm considering in my life that I'm not ready to tell everyone... Continue Reading →

#30: Black, White & Shades of Grey

I used to think that other people could think better for myself than I could because that’s what society and culture often tells us. We are constantly nagged with this idea that because we’re the ones going through something, we are the only ones who can’t see it for what it is, but everyone else... Continue Reading →

2018.

Update from my post in 2017 - my year went as I wanted. I traveled, I came to terms with myself and most importantly - I was happy. My goal for 2018 is not only to continue to be happy, but now it’s to give up the worst habit I have - instagram. Forget posting,... Continue Reading →

#28: The Nice List

Merry Christmas, everyone! This year, I was on the nice list. The other day my best friend told me that I go about things in a way that's "too nice" sometimes. Here I thought I was crazy - but turns out I have a double life as a girl that's too nice, too. I'm the kind... Continue Reading →

#27: The Unlikely

You never think it'll happen to you. That's the thing about life, and time, and the shit that hits the fan. You just never think it'll happen to you. And that's not such a bad thing, because maybe we all need to get swept off our own feet every now and then. To remind ourselves... Continue Reading →

#26: Let’s Be Frank

I'm an open book. I often write about bipolar disorder, and what it feels like to have it, what it feels like to go through the shifts, what it feels like to have this label slapped on your head. But I feel like maybe I haven't been frank. Maybe I've been beating around the bush.... Continue Reading →

#25: Six Falls Later

Before Don't ask, Don't tell. Don't air your dirty laundry. Don't look out of line. It never happened.   Fall, 2011 One fall my life changed with the trees. New places and new people, how familiar their unfamiliarity, will become. If I had known that not getting you ice cream Would lead to the end... Continue Reading →

#24: Don’t Self-Destruct

Update: I said about a week or so ago that I could feel a manic episode happening. In the past, like two years ago, I would have self destructed. Two years ago, I would have done something regrettable. I would have said the wrong thing or acted out, I wouldn't have been myself. I would... Continue Reading →

23 Moments Of Not Being In Love

Another day, another Instagram post of someone being engaged, or someone being head over heels in love. Since I can't really relate at the moment, I realized I wanted to write about not being in love.  Nothing came to my mind that seemed easy to spell out. All that came to me were a compilation of... Continue Reading →

#22: Mania

I can't remember a time where I ever lived inside the box. And it's funny to me because I would argue that I've surrounded myself with very well-rounded, centered, down to earth people. But I often feel like the outlier in every single group of friends. Maybe that's true, maybe that's just my paranoia again.... Continue Reading →

Healing.

"Do you do anything else besides this?' - the #1 question I get asked as a bartender. In the last year I have graduated college, landed a job at a media company, quit my job at a media company, began bartending full time, applied to grad school, poured some drinks for myself too, traveled Europe... Continue Reading →

10:25 Train to Brussels

Here I am on the 10:25AM train from Paris to Brussels and I cannot help but reflect on the fact that I am sitting here next to my best friend, jacked up on caffeine and croissants ready to embark on yet another journey. (I'll probably nap right after I write this.) So the thing is... Continue Reading →

The Truth Behind the Pictures

I have a love hate relationship with social media. I love speaking my mind on Twitter and getting that "like" when I say something witty or agreeable. I love posting my best pictures to Instagram and getting comments on the fact that my hair color has changed (again) or showing what I'm up to. I... Continue Reading →

Six months later

I haven’t written anything in awhile. This happens to me sometimes, I have so much racing through my head I can’t get it down, and then something hits me and I’m ready to go again. Last night Selena Gomez opened up about her struggles with her mental health and I watched that shit twice. It’s... Continue Reading →

Helicopter Views

Too many times, I sit up at night and think about everything that my life has become. If you asked me a year ago where I thought I’d be today, I would have given you a response that looks nothing like my life right now. Funny isn’t it? How we think we know more than... Continue Reading →

Ten Weeks

I'll tell you that it's been ten weeks Ten weeks of breaking the habit, ten weeks of reflection. But mostly, it's been ten weeks of silence. Silence that blows out speakers, Silence that has been like nails on a chalkboard. Sometimes it keeps me up and I lose sleep - Other times it's what ignites... Continue Reading →

#2: Second Loves

I feel relieved. I used to think I would never get over a broken heart. Flashback to when I was 14: I fell head over heels for a boy, and throughout the majority of my high school years he was it. There was no walking away there was no moving on, I had tunnel vision... Continue Reading →

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